Jazz Emu is an internationally renowned stone-cold hotshot with a proven track record of concocting unpretentious pseudo-comedological proferrings. [Hi Jazz, loving the bio but could it be a bit more concise? Also, probably best to stick to things that are actually true. I’ve added notes in [red], obviously make sure to delete these before you upload to your website.]
Born and raised in the UK, Jazz Emu quickly grew tired of the colder climes and found his way to Miami FL, where he now definitely lives and which he knows a lot about (from living there). Miami (/maɪˈæmi/), officially the City of Miami, is a coastal metropolis located in Miami-Dade County in southeastern Florida, in the United States. Miami is the core of the nation's ninth largest and world's 34th largest metropolitan area with a population of 6.138 million people as of 2020. The city has the third largest skyline in the United States with over 300 high-rises, 58 of which exceed 491 ft (150 m). [like the detail but could we trim this?]
Starting life as a humble foley artist, Jazz quickly moved on to being a still-humble ground-breakingly talented musician. Playing fourteen instruments (one time, simultaneously), Emu has been heralded as “The God of Music” by NME, [I think paying the National Museum of Ethiopia to print this in their newsletter was maybe a little underhand?]. By the age of seven, he was able to play all twelve notes of the traditional western scale, and soon even discovered twelve more totally new notes, by pressing something musicians now call the “Octave Key”.
Jazz is an infamously international man, and a seasoned traveler. He speaks over fifteen European languages, because he finds the sound of them annoying and speaking over them drowns it out nicely. [Remember the Europe tour is next year and we can’t afford another visa ban]. He is legally welcomed into almost every single European city, and he doesn’t even want to go back to Prague anyway, that was just one night and it wasn’t his idea it was the guy who he met at the back of that strip club who organised the whole thing, he was just a bystander if anything, in the eyes of the law, and anyway the bear was definitely happy to be involved, it was laughing, or at least it had the expression of something that’s smiling, you know like how dogs look like they’re smiling sometimes, but obviously technically it’s hard to prove that in a court of law, and of course those photos could have been photoshopped, and anyway it was all cleared up legally in 2015 and we’ve all put it behind us. [punctuation needs looking at here?].
When Jazz met the Pope several years ago he was notably impressed, and said that Jazz was taller than he expected, and also handsomer. Jazz reminded him that ‘handsomer’ isn’t a word; grammatically it should be ‘more handsome’. The Pope thanked him for his wisdom bigly and also said that Jazz reminded him of one the paintings in the Sistine Chapel (God), and that Jazz should consider modeling. Jazz chuckled humbly, and showed the Pope his portfolio which he keeps to hand. As soon as the Pope caught a glimpse of the notorious Nude Thrust Pose from the Everest Summit shoot, a single tear fell from his wrinkly old eye as the sinking sun stabbed through the stained glass like a spoon [I’m worried the word count might be getting too high. It might not all fit in the text box when you copy and pas